I Spy 2

Many years ago I wrote about a group of preschoolers who enjoyed playing their version of I Spy.  My current group of preschoolers has also developed their own adaptation of the game but for them it is location/time specific – they will only play it when they are sitting at the table before, during or after meals.

In my schedule as meal time approaches I take the infants/toddlers out of the playroom one at a time so I can change diapers, wash hands, and get them seated before I do the final food prep.  I expect that the three and four-year-old children will want to continue playing during this time so I don’t request that they start cleaning.  However, they anticipate the routine and rush to put their toys away so they can come to the table.

Children: “The toys are cleaned up, can we come to the table now?”

Me: “The food is not ready and I still have diapers to change. You have more time to play if you want to”.

Children: “We want to come to the table and play I Spy”.

Me: “You could play I Spy in the playroom too”.

Children: “We like to play at the table”.

So, I send them to wash their hands and then play I Spy as they wait for me to finish preparing snack/lunch.  It goes something like this;

Child 1: I spy something that is Cheryl’s chair.

Child 2: CHERYL’S CHAIR!

Child 1: That’s right! Now it is your turn.

Child 3: Cheryl’s chair is black, you were supposed to say ‘I spy something black’.

Child 1: There are lots of black things, I spied Cheryl’s chair.

Child 2: My turn, my turn, MY TURN!  I spy something that is brown and pink and blue, and green, and gold.

Child 3: AWWCK! That’s too many colours!

Child 2: No it’s not, look at that pillow – it is brown and pink and blue, and green, and gold – see.

Child 3: OK fine, my turn.  I spy something that is on that shelf.

Child 1: The shelf by the window?

Child 3: No, not that shelf, the one that is over there by that other thing – beside the curtain.

Child 2: The birdhouse, the pencil, the phone, the book, the paper, the candle, the…

Child 3: That’s right!

Child 1: Which one was it?

Child 3: Umm, the book I think.

I don’t actually think there are any ‘wrong’ answers when they play this game – the turn taking seems to be their main goal.  Their language and communication skills are what interest me.  Inevitably, no matter how quickly I try to get lunch ready, the excitement level will become far to high and I will have to intervene to remind them about volume and activity level before I can put food on the table.  Even once the food is ready the I Spy game usually continues.

Occasionally when the school-age children are here they join in, and sometimes they manage to briefly follow the preschoolers directions.  Often they try to enforce alternate rules but the preschoolers just dismiss the new rules and carry on. The little ones enjoy having the older children play along but it is ultimately ‘their’ game and they are not interested in changing it.  Just take your turn and carry on.

The Train Debate

It has been just over three months since I last had the train tracks available in the block area.  There are several building sets that have not been our for over six months but the boys (there are no girls in my current group) had been begging for me to bring the trains out again.  I was hesitant because we have a new infant here now - babies are not usually very 'helpful' when it comes to building with train tracks but the boys were so insistent.

Last year I wrote about how wonderfully this group plays with the trains and tracks so I relented and brought the trains out again.  Even though all but one of these children were here last year, they are currently at different stages than they were before and the dynamics are much different.  Having the trains out now has been... interesting.

There is one boy who loves to sort and classify everything.  Now that the trains and tracks are available he arranges them all according to size and shape.  He creates groupings and lines the pieces up in straight lines.  He gets frustrated and very vocal when others come near or disrupt his methodology  in any way.

Another one just wants the train cars - ALL of them.  Upon entering the playroom he tries to pick up and hold all of train cars at once but that is impossible.  Instead, he makes a pile of train cars and sits on them.  If any other child has one or more train cars he will sit and whimper, complaining that they have 'his' trains.  If I suggest that maybe he should build a track for the trains he has, he will attach two track pieces together, pile his train cars on the track and then sit on them.

The third boy loves to create several small circular tracks.  He is an expert builder and can quickly select all the appropriate track pieces and assemble his tracks.  He excitedly shows everyone his accomplishment and then walks away.  When I remind him to put away his toys if he is finished with them he wails.  For each track section there is dramatic effort required to pick up and take it to the bin.  Each piece is so heavy that he couldn't possibly carry more than one and often he is unable to even stand so he must slither and drag himself to the bin while sobbing "I CAN'T DO IT...I caaannn'tttt"

The fourth boy is so concerned about and distracted by what everyone else is doing that he has difficulty settling into an activity.  He seems eager to play with trains, states his intentions and invites others to join him however it takes a very long time before he begins to play.  Often he hovers around the block area and complains about what the others are doing.  Once he does finally sit down and become engaged in the activity he can play cooperatively, it just takes so long to get there and there are so many disputes along the way that the others lose interest or we run out of time.

Boy five has little interest in building with the tracks but enjoys driving trains on the tracks that others have built.  He reenacts elaborate scenarios complete with narrative descriptions and sound effects but seems oblivious to the others playing around him.  He is fully engaged in independent play but will get very upset if others interrupt or 'bother' him.

Boy six likes to build complex track systems using as many of the track sections as possible.  He enjoys having the others watch him build but is easily frustrated if they attempt to assist - he has a plan.  He discusses his design plans with the others and explains how they will be able to use it once complete.  Occasionally he too plays with trains - briefly - but usually once finished building he loses interest and leaves the block are.  However, he cannot clean up because the others are still playing - they do love this massive track.  When finished playing the others will be overwhelmed by the prospect of putting away all those tracks - they would never have built anything that big. 

*Sigh*  By the end of the first week of train play I was ready to pack them up and put something different in the block area.  It is not that anyone is using the toys 'wrong' but that they are all using them differently.  It wouldn't be a problem if they would sometimes play with other toys but for the whole first week they all wanted to play with trains - only trains - together but not in agreement.  Essentially it was a week long argument.

I know that dealing with disputes is an important skill to learn but personally I'd prefer to avoid all confrontation.  It would be easier for me to put away the trains and say it is a consequence due to the incessant fighting.  It might be easier for me to create a chart and assign each child a specified time slot where they can each have an equal amount of uninterrupted independent play with trains. However it is probably better if I let them work it out themselves.  I can tell them what I see.  I can facilitate conversations and mediate physical disputes.  I just don't like to.

At the moment I really don't like trains either.  Yet, during train week two there were a few moments of hope.  I few fleeting periods when I thought maybe - just maybe they had figured it out.  We are now beginning train week three and the debate continues....

Walking & Talking

We've all seen/heard them. Many of us know one personally.  Some of us even have given birth to one of our own.  They are the high energy, strong willed, emotionally intense children that challenge everyone and everything. 

When these children are fully engaged in something they love to do it is magical to watch.  It is a little scary too because if they are interrupted or become frustrated or bored with the activity the magic may turn to mayhem in a matter of seconds.  They are impatient and easily over stimulated.

In my current little group of preschoolers I have three - yes three of these 'difficult', 'spirited', whatever you want to call them, children.  Each one of these children is challenging but put all three of them together for an extended period of time and things can become volatile very quickly.

Even when, or especially when they all have the same goal they struggle to cooperate - too impulsive or competitive to work together they tend to destroy any progress that another has made.  Their own intense reactions - happy, sad or mad - are further fuelled by the reactions of the others.  It is not that they purposely want to disrupt activities but the reaction they get from the others is exhilarating.

They all enjoy active, gross motor play but it never seems to tire them out.  In fact, like little crank-up flash lights, the more energy an activity requires the more power they seem to build up.  They seem to have better self control during quiet activities but tension builds silently and will eventually explode.

Five hungry children enjoying a peaceful lunch.  A single noodle slips off a spoon and plops back onto the plate.  Splat!  That was a funny noise - someone giggles.  Two children try to recreate that sound by scooping and dumping spoonfuls of noodles.  Excitement and volume increase exponentially.  Someone's milk gets knocked over and they begin to cry.  At this point lunch is over.  No amount of talking, redirecting or reprimanding will return this situation back to a peaceful lunch.

Forget any type of circle time activities.  These children love to talk.  All of them have amazing vocabularies but they don't seem to hear/understand anything anyone else says.  It is far easier to get children to focus when they are outside but even in a natural outdoor environment these children will struggle with a group circle time activity.  There is always someone on the other side of the circle who is smiling, makes a silly face and waits for the reaction.  Of course they get it - positive or negative doesn't matter - it was a reaction.

This is why we walk.

It is no secret that I love to go hiking.  Walking alone through a forest is for me the most precious time.  It is an introspective period of imagining, reflecting, dreaming, discovering.  I often take children hiking but for each child/group of children the purpose of the hike is different.  For some it is all about the destination.  Others need the exercise or the change of scenery.

This current group of children is different. Their endless energy is never depleted - none of them ever complain that they are tired of walking.  They are not concerned about our destination or the length of time it may take us to get there.  For this group when we walk - we talk - and more importantly, we listen. 

Maybe it is the motion or the rhythm of our steps or the constant drone of the vehicles on the street but as we walk these children and I have some of the most amazing conversations.  Conversations we have never been able to have while sitting in a circle.

We talk about the things we see.  We tell stories about places we have gone and things we have done.  We talk about our likes and dislikes.  We sing songs - together instead of competitively.  We take turns talking and sharing.  There are few interruptions and no pushing/grabbing/hitting because we are busy walking.  Sometimes we walk for hours - they have a lot to say but it is hard for them to talk when there are too many distractions.  So we walk...and talk.

Public Speaking

As a child I was always very quiet – often my family’s acquaintances questioned if I was able to speak.  Even as a teen I was generally silent when in a group setting.  After having children, becoming a member of community organizations, and opening my childcare home there were often situations where I needed to speak in group settings.

Over the years I have had the opportunity to speak to students in various classes and members of special interest groups.  Usually the topic is ‘Family Childcare’ or ‘Children & Nature’.  These events bring a mix of emotions – excitement & hesitation, enthusiasm & anxiety.

Several years ago I took a public speaking course.  During the class the instructor would, without warning, call one of us to the front of the class and give us a scenario like ‘You are a recovering drug addict speaking to city officials about the need for an inner-city treatment facility.’ There was no prep time, no notes, and usually no knowledge of the subject.

It was a terrifying.  Half the people in the class dropped out.

Each week there were also assignments such as ‘using props’, ‘adding humour’, or ‘a news report’. Everyone had the week to prepare and then to do a five minute presentation the following week.  We then received immediate feedback from the instructor and other students about our performance.

The feedback was invaluable.  No matter how difficult the week’s topic was we were able to leave the class without questioning our performance.  For me that meant no sleepless nights wondering if they understood what I was trying to say.  No anxiety over my perceived ‘mistakes’.  Instead, I clung to the positive remarks like ‘We can really feel your passion for what you do’.  Even the ‘things to work on’ were helpful instead of depressing.

Since taking that class I have learned what helps and what hinders my ability to speak out in group settings.  I won’t say I am confident in front of a group but I definitely have some tools that make these situations a little easier.

This post is already getting too long so I will continue it in a second post.  In my next post I will write about my most recent experience with public speaking.

Let's Be Fair

Every day begins the same.  As the children arrive they agree on an activity to play together and begin the process of making sure everything is ‘fair’.  This is a very, very, long process.  In fact, often the actual game never even begins because they can’t agree on what is ‘fair’ so they switch to another activity instead – another activity with another set of toys and another lengthy period of deliberation over what will be ‘fair’.

The problem is that each has a different definition of ‘fair’.

The ‘quantity’ child believes that it is fair if everyone involved has the exact same number of toys.  ‘Quantity’ maintains that everyone must have the same number of characters, blocks etc. before play can begin.  Even if the other children involved only want one or two toys this child delays the game until everyone has an equal number of the toys to use.  “That’s not fair!” is often heard.

‘Ruler’ insists that all the biggest, most powerful toys belong to their personal group of toys.  ‘Ruler’ often tries to use ‘Quantity’ as an ally by pointing out that each of them has the same number of toys so it is fair.  In essence it is not fair because although the number of items is equal, the quality is not. ‘Ruler’ is a very competitive child for whom ‘fair’ means they are in charge and their team always wins.

‘Cluster’ doesn’t really care how many toys are on their team as long as they all match.  ‘Cluster’ wants all the members of a family group and doesn’t worry if someone else has more toys or better toys. ‘Cluster’ believes it is fair when everything matches and gets frustrated when ‘Quantity’ insists on assigning additional dissimilar members to ‘Cluster’s’ families.  Another conflict occurs because all the ‘fathers’ of the family groups tend to also be the power toys that ‘Ruler’ has already claimed thereby leaving ‘Cluster’s’ families incomplete.

‘CoOp’ will happily accept any toys the others don’t want to use.  CoOp has favourite toys but they don’t mind if others use them and will wait patiently while the others choose and set up the activity.  ‘CoOp’ will never complain nor be assertive.  ‘CoOp’ believes it is fair when everyone is able to participate harmoniously – conflict is their greatest fear.  ‘CoOp’ often ends up playing alone either because they felt overwhelmed by the negotiations or the others failed to invite them to play.

‘Tyrant’ is impulsive – recklessly stumbling through block structures and grabbing any toys that appear interesting at the moment.  It doesn’t matter if the toy is in a bin, on the floor or in someone else’s hand, the moment ‘Tyrant’ wants it ‘Tyrant’ takes it.  Thankfully ‘Tyrant’ tends to have a short attention span so the toy is usually soon returned to its original user. Sometimes ‘Tyrant’s’ behaviour is fuelled by the reaction so it is important not to overreact to because it will intensify the conflict.  “Tyrant’ is usually a toddler so the behaviour is a ‘normal’.

Actually, all these children are ‘normal’.  They represent the children of various ages, temperaments and developmental levels who co-exist in a family childcare setting.  The conflicts don’t mean the children need to be separated or that an adult needs to intervene.  The conflicts mean that the children are learning to get along with others who have a different point of view.

Fair is not always equal.  Fair is not always the same.  Fair is not always without conflict.  Accepting the conflict is difficult but it is part of the process – the process of learning to be fair.

Na, Na, Na, Na

On and off all summer I’ve had that song stuck in my head.

Na, na, na, na,

Na, na, na, na,

Hey, Hey, Hey,

Goodbye

That’s really the only part of the song that I know – it just repeats over and over.

There are two reasons that song keeps coming to mind.  First of all, of the seven children I currently have in care, five of them have names that end in ‘na’.  All summer it has been so confusing with conversations like this;

NA! Come here please. 

No, not you Na, I was talking to that Na.  

Where did you put Na’s hat?  

Yes, I know Na’s hat is on her head but I was looking for this Na’s hat – have you seen it?   

Na picked it up but she said she gave it to you. 

What? You think you saw Na put it in the bin? 

Which bin?  The bin over there where Na is or the one behind that Na?

It’s been driving me crazy!

Of course it has its plus side too.  It is usually fairly easy to get the attention of most of the group with just one syllable.

The second reason the song keeps running through my mind is the ‘Goodbye’.  Although it is the ‘Na’s’ that begin the verse, it ends with ‘Goodbye’.

I’ve been thinking about the goodbye all summer. You see, today is the last day here for two of my children.  Their family has been part of my home for nearly eight years – half of the total time I’ve been a family childcare provider.

I’ve been working on the book.  Going through all my photos and choosing some to print and include in an album for them to take with them.

Now that all the pictures are in place we’ve had a chance to go through the album together.  We’ll spend some more time looking at it today and we will write down some of our comments for the photos.

I can barely remember what it was like here before they arrived.  It’s going to be very different here without them.  They’ll come back to visit.  They might even come back next summer or occasionally on non-school days when daycare space allows.  Yeah, going to have to work on making sure I can accommodate that so it is not really a forever…goodbye.

References

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately – reflecting and evaluating are powerful problem solving tools.  My current dilemma is that, in a recent meeting with a couple seeking childcare, I was asked for references.

Now, the problem isn’t that I don’t have references.  Many of the parents who contact me begin the conversation by saying “I have a friend/neighbour/co-worker who has had or currently has a child in your care”.  They already have the reference and don’t ask for more.

I will also say that I do believe that all parents should want references before leaving their child in the care of anyone they don’t personally know.  Employers check references before hiring new employees.  Homeowners get references from contractors before getting renovations done on their homes.

My concern lies in the sharing of personal information – phone numbers, email addresses, etc – of parents with children in my care.  Both the Privacy Act and the Provincial childcare licensing regulations restrict the sharing of personal information.

I am diligent in maintaining confidentiality for past and present families.  Even with families that I know spend time together outside of my childcare home I ensure I get permission before sharing any information.  So, it makes me very uncomfortable to ask them for permission to share their contact information with someone I just met and know very little about.

Over the sixteen years I’ve been a licensed childcare provider there have been occasional difficult families that caused problems for me, the school and other families with children in my care.  In those sixteen years I have had to dismiss three families due to the behaviour of a parent.  All of them seemed nice enough when I first interviewed them but it didn’t take long for it to become apparent that their conduct was not respectful to me or the families with children in my care.

I have occasionally reversed the request and asked a prospective parent to allow me to share their contact info with my currently enrolled parents.  That way the parents I already know and trust can contact the prospective parent without divulging any of their personal information.  However, this too bothers me because the prospective parent is seeking a reference and their first experience with me involves me asking to share their contact information with others.

I have considered and occasionally asked a parent to provide me with a letter of reference which does not have any contact info and can be shown to a prospective parent – but is this really a good reference?  What if the prospective parent wants additional information other than what is covered in the letter?  There is no way for them to ask specific questions.

Sigh.  These are the kinds of things that keep me awake at night.  I still don’t have and answer.

Waiting for the Bus

Several of the children in my care take the school bus to school and normally the bus stops to pick-up and drop off the children directly in front of my house.  Due to some major road work in the area the bus can no longer turn onto my street during the morning rush hour so the stop has been moved to the end of the street.

If the lunchtime or after school drop offs had been moved I would probably be annoyed – those are hectic times of the day and a change like that would be very disruptive to our schedule.  The morning walk to the bus stop is actually quite enjoyable.  We listen to the birds, visit with the neighbourhood cats that come to greet us, and enjoy the refreshing spring weather.

There is a lot of traffic at the corner so while we wait the children count cars or play eye spy type games. Last week a police car passed by and the children waved at the officer – who waved back.  The children were ecstatic and a new game began.

The children stand side by side and wave at everyone who passes by.  They smile and wave at every pedestrian, cyclist or vehicle that goes past our location.  They also keep score: one point for everyone who smiles back, two points if they smile and wave too.

The children cheer every time they get a response from these morning commuters and there is a collective groan when there is a surly unresponsive one.  The children could hardly contain their excitement when one driver smiled, waved and honked the horn – THREE points!

So, if you see a group of children standing on the corner smiling and waving make their day and wave back.  Hopefully they will make your day a little brighter too.

Favourite Fingerplay

We have circle time every morning.  In other posts like Telling Stories and Show & Tell I’ve covered some additional aspects of our circle time but we regularly do a calendar activity followed by poems.  I designed a calendar template that can be modified for each month allowing to opportunity to include all our special events.

Every month I print six copies of the calendar and place them in sheet protectors.  At circle time each child is given a copy of the calendar so they can follow along and they are encouraged to add personal information to the conversations.

Alphabet tapes have been placed along the bottom of the sheet protectors – A to M on the calendar side and N to Z on the poem side.  As we recite the alphabet together we include a word beginning with each letter and the names of anyone in the house as well – A for apple, B for Ball, C for car and Cheryl and Curtis, D for duck and Dylan and so on.

The current poems are placed on the reverse side of the calendar.  I choose the poems based on the season or other interests of the children. Sometimes the children learn them quickly and then get bored.  Occasionally they don’t connect with the poem and loose interest in participating in circle time.  I usually change the poems several times each month so this doesn’t happen.  I also like to include pictures alongside the poems and at least one of the selected poems will have actions.

It was about seven or eight years ago that I first used the Tommy Thumb poem for circle time.  It was one of the favourite finger plays for that group of children and they continued to recite it throughout the days long after new poems were introduced.

 Tommy Thumb

Tommy Thumbs up (Point thumbs up)

Tommy Thumbs down (Point thumbs down)

Tommy Thumbs dancing (Bounce them to the left)

All around the town (Bounce them to the right)

Dance them on your shoulders (Bounce on your shoulders)

Dance them on your head (Bounce on your head)

Dance them on your knees (Bounce on your knees)

Tuck them into bed. (Fold arms hiding hands)

Peter Pointer… Baby Finger…

Finger Family…

This finger play has continued to be a favourite with subsequent groups of children.  I brought it back for circle time at the beginning of this month and the children are still excited about it so we have had the same poems for almost four weeks now.

I tried to take some pictures of them but their enthusiasm made this quite difficult.  This is the best I was able to do;

 

Ok, so I was holding the camera with only one hand — I had to do the actions too!

The Waiting Game

I don’t schedule ‘sit and wait’ times but occasionally the children are required to wait – usually because they were too fast for me.  For example, they clean-up their toys, wash their hands and sit down for lunch while I finish making lunch and dish up the food.

If they are seated before I’m finished plating the food then they will have a short period of ‘waiting’ time.  Sometimes when they have to wait they will play ‘I Spy’.  I’ve written about this game before – here.

We don’t use the dining table for any purpose other than meals so we have some rules here to encourage appropriate table manners and conversation.  Basically the rules are ‘Keep your hands to yourself and talk politely using words.’  Really, those rules apply other places too but at the table we discourage ‘actions’ and “talk politely using words” is better than “stop waving your arms”.  The “hands to yourself” rule is important here because the children don’t have the option to walk away when someone else is poking at them.

Usually the children are capable of sustaining conversations while they wait.  Often they have stories to share that they forgot about when they were ‘busy’ in the play room or outdoors.  Some may say that ‘waiting time’ is actually ‘thinking time’.

Occasionally if they are tired or overexcited and it may be necessary for me to redirect or guide the conversations.  Usually though they lead the conversations.  When they are not interested in chatting about their day or making plans for later they will play I Spy or something similar.  Recently they began something new – they have been making up riddles.

I find these riddles interesting or amusing and, although I’m usually busy with meal prep, I’ve managed to write a few of them down;

• Child 1 – I have long ears
• Child 2 – A rabbit?
• Child 1 – No, there is more.  I am yellow and brown.  I step on things.  I’m in the Lion King Movie.
• All the children – A giraffe!
• Child 2 – My turn.  I have feathers
• All the children – A bird?
• Child 2 – No, I have things sticking out of my head.
• All the children – A PEACOCK!!
• Child 2 – Yes!  (note-peacocks are currently one of their favourite creatures but maybe we should learn some more about them).
• Child 3 – I roar
• Child 1 – A lion?
• Child 3 – I have a long tail
• Child 1 – A dinosaur?
• Child 3 – Yes! You win!

Sometimes it is hard to stay focused on getting lunch ready   I’m considering pursuing riddles further – perhaps as a group activity or craft.  For now though, it is a great game to play while you wait.

A Day Off

Yesterday was the first inservice day of this school year so I had all the children here for the full day.  Even though the older children have enjoyed getting back to school I also think they miss the opportunity to interact with the others here.  All the school-age children attend the same school but they are in different grades so they don’t get to spend much time together.  They were so excited to spend the day together again and the younger children were thrilled to have them here too.

There was little for me to do except observe as they tried to fit in as many of their favourite activities as possible into one day.  It was amusing to watch them rush through a group dramatic play activity, sing and dance briefly in the music area, scurry up the loft steps to read a familiar book and then dash to the art area to hastily create a piece of artwork.  I don’t really think that it was the activities that they were truly interested in pursuing but rather the opportunity to reconnect with friends who they’ve had little contact with since school began.

The weather outside was amazing so we spent most of the morning outdoors.  I was curious to see if they would slow down once we got outside – a phenomenon I’ve noticed before.  It was amazing to watch as they built structures, played games and explored the yard in record time.

Using water from the rain barrel they again filled jars and built towers;

They washed the rocks to make them look pretty;

And ‘cooked’ up a dinner in the wok;

I loved the poles set up around the cooking area so that no one would get too close to the fire – safety first!

 Then one of the children built a tipi;

This was new and it was quickly copied by another child;

A third child passing by the first one and elaborated on the design;

Then another tipi popped up over on the other side of the yard;

This tipi building activity was not the focus of their attention.  It seemed to be a common theme that connected then as they engaged in other activities.  Maybe it was a way of saying ‘I’m busy playing here but I see what you’re doing over there too’.  A way to make one more connection in a busy day before rushing off again.

"I'm Sorry"

Last week I read Teacher Tom’s blog post entitled ‘Hitting’.  It made me cry.

In his post, Teacher Tom outlined how they respond to hitting and other such behaviours in their cooperative preschool program.  He followed it up with a couple more posts that offer additional related information.

As always, his posts were very informative and easy to understand. His ability to articulate difficult situations always amazes me.  His focus is, as it should be, on the reason behind the behaviour — addressing the cause – teaching the children how to respond appropriately – and the importance of remaining calm.

So why did the post upset me?

It was the eighth step that he outlined in his ‘Learning Through Conflict’ plan that bothered me.  The formal apology – and again he so wonderfully explains why he doesn’t feel it is necessary.  I agree with him.

If there is one thing that drives me crazy it is the insistence that an incident isn’t over until someone says “I’m Sorry”.  His line about the initial conflict becoming “diverted into a conflict between parent and child as the former insists on the word “sorry” and the child refuses” brought back vivid images of an incident that happened very early in my childcare career.

At home time, a mom and I were standing at the front door engaged in a conversation.  Her three year old daughter was waiting patiently.  She was not interrupting us.  She was not jumping or climbing or playing with stuff in the cubbies.  She was simply waiting, one hand on the wall for support, one foot on the ground and the other foot swinging back and forth.  She was humming a song, swinging her leg, and waiting – wonderfully. 

Then she kicked me.

It wasn’t done on purpose and I was not hurt.  The child immediately realized her mistake and froze. Two tiny hands clamped over her mouth and tears welling up in her eyes as she stared up at me. I put my hand on her shoulder and told her it was ok – I knew it was an accident and she hadn’t meant to do it.  There was really no actual conflict. It should have ended here, but it didn’t.

Her mother sprang into action.  Lecturing about how kicking hurts people and demanding that she apologize.  The child started to sob; shaking and crying and unable to speak.  Her exasperated mother apologized to me for her child’s behaviour, took her by the hand and hurried out the door.

But even then it was not over.  More than an hour later the phone rang and when I answered it the mother said “My daughter has something to say to you”.  She then handed the phone to the sobbing three-year-old who managed to sputter “I’m sorry I kicked you” before putting down the phone and wailing.  

So was it over now? Were the words “I’m Sorry” really necessary?  I don’t think so, at least not in this case. In fact, for me they made it worse.  Teacher Tom says he will not judge you if you insist that your child apologizes – but I might.

The real point I wanted to make though is the importance of letting those involved in the conflict work it out themselves. A conflict is resolved when those involved in it are ok with the outcome.  It doesn’t matter if the observer doesn’t think the outcome is correct or fair.

Certainly guidance from a bystander can be helpful sometimes – especially for those with little experience settling conflicts.  Suggestions can be useful if there is an impasse but if those involved are attempting to resolve the issue there is absolutely no need to intervene.

Here, if the children have an issue they are given the opportunity to work it out.  If necessary they can be separated from the group to prevent outside interference.  Assistance is available if required but after the dispute is resolved and there is peace again it is over.

Was their solution fair?  Was it correct?  That’s not for me to decide.  Did someone say “I’m Sorry”?  Maybe not but those words are not what is important.

Show & Tell

I discourage the children from bringing toys from home to play with here. We already have a wide variety of toys and equipment for the children to use and because we have a mixed age group I have to ensure that all toys in the playroom are suitable for all ages. I don’t like being the ‘border patrol’ standing at the entrance saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to each child that asks if they can take bring an item in to play with.  So, I keep the rules simple;

• Stuffed animals and dolls are OK if they have no accessories.
• Anyone can play with the toy when it is in the playroom – if you don’t want others to touch it, put it in your bin.
• Anything else can be shared with the group at circle time.

I sometimes refer to it as ‘Show and Tell’ but I don’t really include it as a structured part of the daily schedule. I remember the reactions my own children had with show and tell or whatever the individual teacher called it in their class. Throughout elementary school they had many opportunities to share things from home with their friends at school.  For most it was something that they looked forward to but often it was stressful.
Sometimes there was something they really wanted to bring but it wasn’t their day.  Sometimes it was their day and they couldn’t decide what to bring and there was a mad scramble to find something.  The worst days were the ones when we forgot it was their day, they didn’t bring anything, and there was no second chance – in some classes each student only got one chance each year.

In my childcare home we have always have an opportunity for the children to share things during circle time.  As we gather around the table to discuss the weather and calendar the children are all welcome to share stories about what they did over the weekend or upcoming plans.  If they have props to accompany the story or just an item they want to show the others they are encouraged to.

Anyone is welcome to share, no one is forced to share, and no one is excluded from sharing.

I leave the format up to the individual child who is sharing. If they want to pass the item around the circle they may.  If they prefer that others do not touch it then they can just hold it and tell us about it.  They can allow the others to ask questions or request that they not interrupt.  They are in charge of the program planning for their sharing session.

I love to watch the interaction between the children as they engage in these activities.  Whether they are leading or observing I gain insight into their interests and personalities.  They gain experience participating in various roles within the group, leaning new skills and planning their own curriculum.

Visitors

Yesterday we had a visitor. 

The competency based assessment program through which I earned my ECE II classification requires participants to tour and observe several other childcare facilities.  Now that I have completed the program I have the opportunity to assist other providers as they further their learning.

Our visitor was here to see what a typical day here is like.  She was here to get ideas for room arrangements, to learn about our program, and to observe how we handle any issues that we may face.

I had prepared the children in advance.  As with any special event it was marked on our calendar and we discussed it as part of our daily circle time.  We’ve had visitors before and because most of the children have been in my care for years they know the routine and were eager to assist.

Not all the children were present when our visitor first arrived but those that were enthusiastically began the tour.  They showed her the play areas and explained what each area was for.  They demonstrated how to use the toys and described in detail some of their favourite activities.  As other children arrived, introductions were made and they joined the tour.

The CBA manual instructs participants not to interfere in the regular program - they are there to observe.  They are encouraged to stay out of the way and simply monitor and take notes.  The children made our visitor a part of the program.  She had no choice but to be involved.

I’m sure our visitor gained some insight into what goes on in a typical day here.  She made several comments about things she could take back to use in her own program.  Sometimes it is hard to tell who is the teacher, student, or observer.

Telling Stories

We have a daily circle time in our regular schedule.  During circle time we have a calendar activity and discuss upcoming special events.  There is also time for the children to share any information about their own adventures with their family and friends beyond our little group.  Today, we are starting something new – creative story telling.

I’ve been impressed by the storylines in their dramatic play activities and toyed with a variety of ways to document this creativity.  I first introduced the idea of ‘story telling’ to the children last week.  We discussed some ‘rules’ – although I suppose they are really just guidelines;

• There will be only one Story Teller each day — everyone will get a turn just not all on the same day.
• Use your imaginations – we want to hear creative stories.  I will write the stories down as the children tell them.
• I don’t want to hear ‘recaps’ of TV shows or movies that they’ve watched.  Here I’m counting on the children to ‘tattle’ on their friends since I don’t know much about some of the shows they watch but I know they often correct each other when they re-enact these stories during dramatic play.
• Stories can be based on actual experiences but I’m hoping they embellish them and add ‘what if’ or ‘I wish’ components.
• The stories cannot upset or offend any of the listeners – such as using one of the others in the group as the ‘bad guy’ in the story.

To give them an example I told the first story yesterday – a variation of a camping trip experience that I had with my family when I was a child.  Today, one of the children will be the story teller.  I expect the stories will be fairly simple at first but as the children gain experience as story tellers they will become more confident and their story telling abilities will grow.

In the future, to expand this activity further I’m planning to have them create illustrations and make actual books of their stories.  Maybe I’ll even highlight some of them here…